What Keeps Him Alive

The crystal merchant says that part of the reason he hasn’t made his pilgrimage to Mecca is that he is afraid if his dream is realized, he’ll have no reason to go on living. The other thing he admits to, however, is that he is afraid it won’t live up to his expectations and he’ll be disappointed , in which case he’d prefer to just dream about it. I can understand why the crystal merchant doesn’t want to pursue his personal legend. In his head he gets to go on the pilgrimage thousands of times and each time there are a new experiences. If the crystal merchant were to go on a pilgrimage he might be disappointed that the pilgrimage didn’t live up to his dreams. He doesn’t want to run the risk of ruining his  idea of how his pilgrimage will end. He said he lives because he can still dream that someday he might get to go in the pilgrimage but once he goes he won't have anything to live for. The merchant said to Santiago, “Because it’s the thought of Mecca that keeps me alive. That’s what helps me face these days that are all the same, these mute crystals on the shelves,and lunch and dinner at the same horrible cafe. I am afraid that if my dream is realized I will have no reason to go on living.” (55)
    I am the kind of person that gets their hopes up about everything. If there is even a slight chance that something amazing will happen I will always get really  excited. I’ll start planning  and doing everything possible to  make that thing happen. I also have a bad habit of depending on other people to make sure that I, myself,  have fun. So when plans don’t work out I get really disappointed and it ruins my whole day.
    I don’t think that these disappointments will stop me from pursuing other dreams. In a way getting excited is a good thing because if we end up doing it i am always have a lot of fun. Even I am disappointed I get over it soon and get excited about the next thing!
    It is one of my goals not to to become dependent on other people to have fun. I want to be able to go to the beach and have fun by myself and not worry about whether my friends will be there. I want to be dependent on only myself for having fun.  
    In conclusion I think that the merchant is right about not pursuing his personal legend so he can just dream about it. I think that doing this would be okay in some situations but personally  would want follow my dreams.